Today was my last day in Christchurch, and Kris took the afternoon off to hang with me, so we went to the cafe that Cath had taken me to for lunch, The Herb centre Dispensary – because I was having a massive sugar craving and I knew they did no-refined-sugar desserts….

Before you throw your hands in the air aghast and lose all my faith in my hard-core stickability you’ll be pleased to know that once we got there I decided against any dessert/cake/slice no matter how sketchily it fit into my gut healing restrictions. When they take the refined sugar out it usually means that they are using dried fruit or honey as a sweetener (nothing artificial because it was wholefoods central) both are off the books for now. I had been all excited but once I got there decided that it wasn’t worth starting again – especially with the leg aches – and thought I would treat myself to a DECAF, rice milk Flat White. Yes I said it. And I know this is not a ‘real coffee’ (Kylee) and I would have been scoffing and throwing my hands up in the air as well – for fucks sake I won’t even drink Starbucks coffee (because it’s gross duh) – but I really felt like I had to try it. And surprise surprise it tasted like coffee. So much so – and the with the consequent speedy feeling I had afterwards – I think she slipped me real caffeine man. There was some confusion with me ordering because initially I hadn’t realised I could have a fakey fakey coffee, so I ordered tea. Then I realised and went back and I think it was all too much. So although it had rice milk – you could taste that – I think I got caffeined. Well, my mouth still feels weird anyway, and I’m still up and it’s 11.30pm oh my god.

Anyway, I got to the plane having only had a smoothie between lunch and flying so was starving, no snacks on me and nothing to buy, nothing to do but suck it up – cue stomach pains etc – but I know you ‘normals’ get that too when you starve yourself so nothing interesting there!

On the plane I was sitting between two dudes, who I thought were really old then realised I was probably within ten years of age with them and felt OLD, and of course they sat with their legs wide open and reclined right back and basically claimed all of the plane to themselves. Fuck that shit. I pushed my elbows out, reclined, dropped my knees, put my headphones on and raised my book. Ain’t no way you gonna encroach upon this hangry mamabears plane space motherfucker.

Flight was otherwise uneventful; no nice air host person I don’t want the teeny tiny cookie time (boo hoo) or the horrible GF (suspect) vege chips, nor do I want a perculator coffee (YES I DO DAMNIT) and thank you but no I don’t want the boiled sweetie to help my ears pop. So many lies. I wanted ALL of the boiled sweeties. I wanted to fill my overstuffed and threatening to burst carry on luggage with them. But I am very restrained and my willpower is great. or some shit.

I was sad to be leaving Dave and Kris, but pleased to be coming home to my little lads – it was SO good to see Master 7 standing right at the gate when I came through – but ssshhhhhh don’t tell them – Mama could have stayed another couple of days reading my books and mooching about and coped quite well…