Day 20 – dis-organisation = cravings

Am getting a bit antsy for snacks and sugar. It definitely didn’t help that the fruit I have been having has been kicking off the cravings again. I think I have been looking for a pick me up in the mornings and have been reaching for the smoothies instead of having the cooked breakfasts I should be planning for myself.

Raspberries, Cashews, Avocado, Almond milk, and Frozen banana - Thanks to Cath for the recipe :-)
Raspberries, Cashews, Avocado, Almond milk, and Frozen banana – Thanks to Cath for the recipe ūüôā

So tomorrow – in between getting my hair did, my lashes filled and going to work for a few hours – I am going to get the Pete Evans cook book that features lots of gluten and dairy and sugar-free recipes. Will also be (hopefully) getting heaps of recipes from the ‘I quit Sugar’ program which I am signing up for tonight. ¬†I will let you know how that goes, and whether it is worth trying it out for yourself – IMO anyway. There is a lot of hype around the program and I know that quitting sugar is the cool thing right now – for lots of good reasons – but what appealed to me about this program was the shopping lists and meal plans you get each week – and they can tailor them to be Gf and DF too. So it’s just another crutch for me for days like today when I am feeling weak and wanting to ‘just have a taste’ from the jar of nutella in the cupboard…

Outside of cravings and the usual, today was a rest day – I counted our walk and swim this afternoon as my exercise – but I am looking forward (as always) to boot camp tomorrow morning. Hopefully the new girl will come back and she can see that I’m just a really awkward, friendly, non-psycho who likes to meet new fun excercisey boot-camp people.. from a distance… and just grins weirdly…

Holla to y’all.

Day 19 – settling the butterflies

Boot camp didn’t hurt so bad this morning. It helps that I’m a nosy bitch and a new woman started this morning and I coulda sworn I knew her. But…. She could have also have been off Shortland st or something. I’m always asking people where I know them from only to discover that I’m talking to an All Black or a ‘world famous in NZ’ actor or similar. Embarrassing. So I didn’t say Hi, for fear of being a dick… just watched all covertly and stalkerly and probably she won’t be back because of the creep in the fluro orange top…

It was boxing this morning and I was paired up with Simon which was good because he works hard and although he declined to ‘knock me off my feet’ as requested by the instructor (ha ha Nicole), he doesn’t hold back. And for the first time in four days I don’t hurt sitting down and standing up again – yay! Getting¬†back in to the swing of things again and it feels good.

This post isn’t about food, although Alissa and I went to Kokako – a cafe I had forgotten about but it’s a Gf and DF gem and I totally recommend it – it is more about being good to yourself and balancing¬†work/fun/relaxing to relieve the tension. I have had butterflies in my gut for the last few days and it isn’t helped by some unhappy results for my senior girls. It was getting worse and I know the only thing that can help – work. Sorting out the year ahead and shooing out the butterflies. But I’m gonna ease my way in to it.

So today Master 7 and I went to work for the first three hours of the day. He sat in the meeting room and got completely screen stoned on Minecraft videos (7 year old heaven) while I went though the piles of paper on my desk. All I managed to do today was sort paper but it was a start – and my office mate will be pleased when I finally clear some of the junk. And tomorrow I will go in and delete emails. ALL the emails. I get a ‘your outlook is full’ message EVERY day. I’m not even exaggerating. It takes hours to do even make a dent. Hours.

And then, after a lovely lunch and catch up, me and the boy went to the beach. Just us, no phones or distractions, just me and the dude. We built a sand castle, I sat on the beach and watched him frolic, I sun bathed, and paddled and eventually (once the tide came in) went in the water and had my first swim of the season. I know – but better late than never. It was bliss. The water was so warm and the sun was so hot and there was hardly anyone else there because it was a week day. So we are going to do it every day this week; we might even invite the grumpy Dutchman and the littlest dude, but maybe we won’t because all of us together can start to fuck with my bliss.

It was a reminder that part of my ‘Year of health’ is also the stress relieving, the work life balance, and taking time out. I needed to go to work for my sanity, but I can keep my own hours this week and balance is the key. I need to hang with my little men – preferably one at a time so I don’t lose my mind – and believe it or not this is all good for my gut.

So if you are looking for me any afternoon this week, you’ll find me lying around on the beach getting my tan on, maybe reading my book, but mostly watching master 7 make friends with all the kids on the beach and enjoying this amazing summer.

Take care of you.

Day 18 – I’m breaking out!

Next step of sugar withdrawals…… as the headaches recede and the aches in my legs are more attributable to boot camp than the sugar, my skin is now breaking out. This is the next step if I remember correctly. I am SO pretty right now. Like a 17 year old before a date with her crush I am breaking out all over – mostly my decolletage which is fun for all those pretty summery dresses that are all strappy and loose – they basically scream look at my big pimples! I’m 36 and I’m breaking out like a teenager. Which goes really well with my permanently red face.

Which segueways nicely into Yoga – where I have an even redder face than normal – I tried a new class this morning, ‘more dynamic’ the lady said. Constant movement etc and ‘Strength and loving myself’. Lots of self love promoted. There was a guy in the back who sounded like he was really loving himself before class. He got there a few minutes before the rest of us and was doing a headstand when we all walked in. He then proceeded to have his own little yoga session before class, contorting himself, huffing and puffing and basically fucking with my savasna buzz. Here I am trying to centre myself and not focus on all the tall blonde yogis arriving in their teeny tiny pant and bras and trying to practice self love in not comparing my shorter rounder sweatier self to them and all I can hear is super keen guy in the back panting away and he tries to turn him self inside out. Dude.

This cat from 'Cats for world peace' is much cuter than headstand man
This cat from ‘Cats for world peace’ is much cuter than headstand man

But I liked it. It was a new one – it felt really challenging and after about 45 minutes I was ready for it to end but I could see how it was one that you could get better at. If I didn’t look directly at the instructor she wasn’t too intimidating – sitting really far away worked – and I could get my sweat on and make my tiny little adjustments and movements as we went.

So far so good.

What beautiful weather this weekend! This is proving to be a wonderful summer.

Day 17 – Another food experiment and sore legs

Oh my god my legs hurt. And my ass and the rest. No boot camp for two weeks then two days in a row and I am suffering. I can’t even sit on the loo without holding on and using my arms to stand up slooooooooowllyyyyy. Ow Ow Ow! I hobbled around the zoo like an old lady today following the boys…. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†And yoga tomorrow. For my sins.

I am getting a little sick of the same green veges and salmon/chicken combos for my meals (and the same smoothie recipe over and over). So have resolved to not only collect recipes and good websites, but to actually try them out – and I want to try to make at least one new thing a week. We tried a new smoothie recipe yesterday and that was good – it did occur to me that I am using fruit in the smoothies and that goes against my fruit ban – soooooooooo. I don’t know – will research ‘low’ fruit recipes – maybe no banana.

Tonight I tried these ‘coconut flour biscuits’ (scones) and they smelled delicious – full of spring onion, parsley, thyme, basil and rosemary – it’s a shame they sucked. So dry. I do not have success with coconut flour. I am thinking that maybe if I subbed out the coconut flour with self raising Gf flour (the edmonds one is quite good) they might be chewy enough to be nice…

photo 1 (10)¬†photo 2 (10)¬†photo 3 (6)The grumpy Dutchman ate them but he is good to me, the rest of us couldn’t bear them, they boys left them on their plates and I may have thrown mine to the birds… Oh well.

Yoga tomorrow! I wonder if I will be able to bend over by then?

Day sixteen – I killed Kermit

photo (20)

This afternoon, after I broke down from my sugar withdrawal and inhaled a packet of Neurofen, and was feeling human again, I googled more smoothie recipes because I am getting a teeny tiny bit sick of my peanut butter chocolate smoothie…

And I found a green one that looked yum and tried it out. Typically if I offer the boys anything that looks even vaguely healthy or has evidence of green vegetables in it they run screaming to the Dairy for a nice comforting steak and cheese pie.

Tonight we had a breakthrough – they loved the ‘Kermit the frog’. I named it but it’s someones elses recipe of course. I got it from in the ‘5 ingredients or less’ bit. I changed it up a wee bit – going by what we had in the fridge. Here it is;

  • 1 cup Kale
  • 1 cup baby Spinach
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup Almond milk
  • 1.5 frozen banana
  • 1 whole small avocado or half a big one

Whack the spinach and kale in the blender with the liquid and whizz until it’s whizzed. Then add the fruit and avocado and whizz it up some more – voila! (in the past I have not whizzed the leafy greens separately from the other bits and it has been bitsy and yuck – this time it was a revelation! not tiny bits of greenery in my teeth afterwards).

Then I told the kid it was a ‘Kermit the frog’ and, once I had calmed their fears that there was an actual frog in it – they drank it and Master 7 liked it! success! He said ‘Mum we can drink these in the morning after we go running eh?’ and I went all warm and fuzzy. We got him running shoes today so he is a bit keen on it.

That’s all from me – melting in the heat but loving it – withdrawing and aching and nearly died in boot camp this morning – got the shakes HARD. But, like I said, I know why and I know how long it will last roughly so I’m not freaked, just hanging out for it to be over. Another Bootcamp session tomorrow – on the beach so it will be lovely and good for my soul – if not my poor old shaky legs….

Day fifteen – giiiivvvvvveeeeee mmeeeeeeeeee suuugaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr

ARGH. You’d think that being home would be great and that I would be loving hanging with my little family¬†again, and to be fair last night it was sooooo great to see them but right about now they might be regretting having ever picked me up.

Oh my god my body aches. All over but especially my legs – and my ankles feel swollen but they look just the same as usual. The day started ok, I woke up and master four was in bed giving me a snuggle, I went back to sleep and woke up to Master four bent over, naked from the waist down asking me to inspect his clean up job after pooing. The first thing I saw was his asshole. ‘Yay!’ I thought ‘back to parenting’. Then when I got up there was no food in the house that I could eat and nothing that they would eat. So we walked to Trinity on the corner and got breakfast. And of course after mangling mine and pronouncing it disgusting – finally leaving me to eat my poached eggs and mushrooms in peace, they ate one single bite of their breakfasts and wanted to go and play. It’s fine, I told myself as the red rage crept over me, breathe and negotiate – you remember how to do this – you’ve only had 7 days off. And this formed the pattern of my day.

The lads would do something,¬†or not do something depending on if it was a specific request from me – and I would get angry and either swear and carry on like a pirate on shore leave OR I would breathe and count to ten and effectively put myself in time out. Everyone has felt my wrath today – the MIL who helpfully did our dishes but then put everything away in exactly the opposite place to where it goes – leaving me confounded as to how I could be losing things – and leading to an episode that would put a Tourette’s sufferer to shame. Thankfully the boys were off destroying things in another room so they didn’t hear me ranting at thin air. It also led to me re-arranging our kitchen drawers and throwing out all of the horrible plastic detritus that ends up floating in your drawers that you will never use again – so there was an upside.

Food shopping – fucking hell it is expensive to get fresh fruit and vege – let alone meat and dairy! We try to only shop ’round the outside’ anyway, so it’s all fresh unprocessed stuff on the main and jebus. If we weren’t both working and earning a decent wage between us I don’t know how we’d survive. It’s all very well pointing the finger at people who feed their kids crap food making them fat blah blah blah but it’s bloody hard to afford decent food. It’s not just education about nutrition it’s the reality of how much it all costs. I swore a lot in the grocery department. You won’t find me judging what you fill your trolley up with love – fark no.

All this time we are trying to get to the zoo and it’s the only thing I have that I can bargain with the lads i.e. ‘if you don’t shut the HELL up right now we won’t go to the zoo’ sort of thing. But things keep getting in the way. Master 7 had his Ukelele lesson (he’s quietly kicking butt btw and will be the next muso in the family I reckon), we came home to eat and see if Master 4 would sleep – nope.

Then we got to the Zoo – yay! and it was closed. By this time I had given in to the aches, and realised that I was being such an impatient bitch because I am withdrawing from sugar. Doesn’t make it any easier. We jumped out of the car and went for a two hour play and walk round springs instead. Of course the boys found every prickle in the grass as we went – but that’s what you get if you ignore 67 requests to put your shoes on before we get in the car. It’s Karma little dudes.

So now I’ve picked a fight with the Grumpy Dutchman because he looked too happy and I am sulking and ‘blogging’ while he cooks dinner after a full day at work. He he, I ‘blog’. That’s hilarious.

Anyway, the point of todays blog was to check in with the WOF results, my ‘starting point’ as it were. The idea is that I will do it all again in three months and see what effect my dietary restrictions are having on it. If at all.

Here goes;

  • weight – 70kgs – not that I am actually checking this, and will only be interested as a point of comparison in three months. Its how my clothes fit that matters.
  • B12 – 452 (range is 170 – 600)
  • Calcium 2.32 (2.10 – 2.55)
  • Iron 49 (20 – 190) This one is good – my last test had me at 3!
  • Magnesium 0.93 (0.70 – 1.0)
  • Coeliac antibodies 14.9 (<15.0)
  • My thyroid is not within range and my white blood cell count is low

This is what my specialist said;

‘Yes antibodies are a little raised despite of course being completely gluten free – this can, however occur due to lowered immunity over all from the Coeliac disease.
This also explains neutropenia (low white blood cell count) and increased thyroid antibodies….. ¬†………B12, magnesium, iron & folate otherwise looking good!’
So actually I am quite happy with that, and the stuff I am taking three times a day is working on my immune system as is this diet SO things are looking up in that respect. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that I have had any iron, magnesium etc in me at all so it’s good.
No Yoga today as planned – too hot and too achey. I’ve got boot camp in the morning and that will be a good way to ‘shake it out’ I reckon.
So, this grumpy bitch is signing off, I wonder if the GD cooked me any dinner?

Day 14, Coffee – sort of, last day with Dave (and my Sis) and I get to see my little men!

photo 1 (9)Today was my last day in Christchurch, and Kris took the afternoon off to hang with me, so we went to the cafe that Cath had taken me to for lunch, The Herb centre Dispensary – because I was having a massive sugar craving and I knew they did no-refined-sugar desserts….

Before you throw your hands in the air aghast and lose all my faith in my hard-core stickability you’ll be pleased to know that once we got there I decided against any dessert/cake/slice no matter how sketchily it fit into my gut healing restrictions. When they take the refined sugar out it usually means that they are using dried fruit or honey as a sweetener (nothing artificial because it was wholefoods central) both are off the books for now. I had been all excited but once I got there decided that it wasn’t worth starting again – especially with the leg aches – and thought I would treat myself to a DECAF, rice milk¬†Flat White. Yes I said it. And I know this is not a ‘real coffee’ (Kylee) and I would have been scoffing and throwing my hands up in the air as well – for fucks sake I won’t even drink Starbucks coffee (because it’s gross duh) – but I really felt like I had to try it. And surprise surprise it tasted like coffee. So much so – and the with the consequent speedy feeling I had afterwards – I think she slipped me real caffeine man. There was some confusion with me ordering because initially I hadn’t realised I could have a fakey fakey coffee, so I ordered tea. Then I realised and went back and I think it was all too much. So although it had rice milk – you could taste that – I think I got caffeined. Well, my mouth still feels weird anyway, and I’m still up and it’s 11.30pm oh my god.

Anyway, I got to the plane having only had a smoothie between lunch and flying so was starving, no snacks on me and nothing to buy, nothing to do but suck it up – cue stomach pains etc – but I know you ‘normals’ get that too when you starve yourself so nothing interesting there!

On the plane I was sitting between two dudes, who I thought were really old then realised I was probably within ten years of age with them and felt OLD, and of course they sat with their legs wide open and reclined right back and basically claimed all of the plane to themselves. Fuck that shit. I pushed my elbows out, reclined, dropped my knees, put my headphones on and raised my book. Ain’t no way you gonna encroach upon this hangry mamabears plane space motherfucker.

Flight was otherwise uneventful; no nice air host person I don’t want the teeny tiny cookie time (boo hoo) or the horrible GF (suspect) vege chips, nor do I want a perculator coffee (YES I DO DAMNIT) and thank you but no I don’t want the boiled sweetie to help my ears pop. So many lies. I wanted ALL of the boiled sweeties. I wanted to fill my overstuffed and threatening to burst carry on luggage with them. But I am very restrained and my willpower is great. or some shit.

I was sad to be leaving Dave and Kris, but pleased to be coming home to my little lads – it was SO good to see Master 7 standing right at the gate when I came through – but ssshhhhhh don’t tell them – Mama could have stayed another couple of days reading my books and mooching about and coped quite well…

photo 2 (9)

Day 13, Road trippin’, fat shaming bitchin’ and sugaaaaaaaaaar cravin’

So today I discovered the horrible, completely lacking in empathy or tact, Katie Hopkins. I hadn’t heard of her – apparently I am the only person – and my sis-in-law Suzy sent me the link to her ‘Big Fat Story’ (or some shit) to watch because she thought I’d be interested in this monster of a woman. I was having some major eating-because-I’m-bored issues – because there wasn’t anything I could eat in the house basically without the effort of cooking or similar – so I decided to distract myself watching the two episodes. The photo is courtesy of Kris – who was trying to get my disgusted face – apparently I was exclaiming out loud at how horrible she is. Basically her beef is that ‘all fat people are disgusting’ and are just too lazy to get off their arses and stop eating so much and if they did they would all be thin. Easy peasy. And to ‘prove it’ she decides to put on 4 stone (24 kilos) over the course of three months and ‘get fat’ so that she can then spend the next three months losing it by moving and eating less. And along the way she goes to visit fat people and fat activists to shout at them and tell them that they don’t deserve to exist. Of course she starts off underweight. She is so skinny that some people/family tell her they¬†worry that she is¬†borderline anorexic. This is a woman with serious control issues around food – which with the help of a psychologist, she admits might have something to do with her Epilepsy and lack of control over that. I wanted to like her by the end. She made a couple of breakthroughs about control and emotional over-eating. But I just couldn’t like her. As she got skinner again she got bitchier, her walls went back up and she went back to being awful. She wanted the whole world to conform to her ideal aesthetic standard of what was right and good and ok. She projected all of her up-tightness and awfulness about food onto those around her and was so fucking mean. GRRRRRRRR.

IMG_0191 photo (19)

It was a good reminder to me that my ‘year of health’ isn’t in fact about weight loss (although I am going to be interested to see if my weight changes at all) but more about HEALTH. Healing my gut, getting my iron etc up and my coeliac antibodies down. Working on my immune system to support a healthier gut. Halleluyah.

The sugar cravings are still there but I managed to not stop and buy ALL the nectarines at the fruit shop. I am getting the body aches now – legs tonight – and I remember this from last time so I’m not worried. I walked around a lot today to try to stretch them out. I am quite proud of my navigation skills – I took myself to Sumner (outside of Christchurch) without a Map!

photo 1 (8)

and I found my way back to the house for lunch – and then I repeated the map-less experiment and got into town right where I needed to be to visit the Christchurch museum. Totes¬†proud of myself y’all. I wandered around, talking to myself – as you do, ‘oh let’s go and have a look at that giraffe!’ I exclaimed excitedly to myself – scaring the shit out of the little old man I was walking behind. And I took a lot of touristy photos. And….. I know I promised to stop buying things darling but I found the PERFECT denim shirt. And I have been looking for one for, like, three years! So. Sorry babe.

photo 3 (5)     photo 2 (8)

Anyways, home tomorrow night! The phone calls from my little men are coming more frequently now – Master 7 rang me tonight to say A. that he was sunburned and B. that he was watching Family guy. Both things he knew would worry me because A. SUNBLOCK and B. Family guy is not ok for little men. The grumpy Dutchman got on the line – at my request – and assured me that the little man was just stirring but I think it’s time for me to go home to see for myself!

Day Twelve – headaches and cold weather…

Urg. Sugar withdrawal is kicking in. And the Dairy and Sugar from Saturday night has manifested itself in a rash or red bumps/pimple things on my neck and shoulder and my face is SOOOO red. Feel pretty gross. So not pretty right now.

And on top of it all I have had a headache alllllllllllll day that I couldn’t shake. The sky is grey and it was cold too. I think the weather affects me more than I’d like. I don’t cope with grey skies very well.

On the positive – I had a lovely visit with my friend Cath and her two little lasses – they are super cutie cute and we had a lovely FREEZING walk round the Botanical gardens. I was going to go to Sumner and show myself around but it was too cold and I ended up in the mall….. I will try again tomorrow.

To try to ‘re-set’ I made us a delicious dinner – stir fried chicken and assorted veges. And I am currently fighting very strong cravings to eat ALL the fruit in the house. No fruit for me…. I need to get through the headaches and out the other side…..

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Day eleven, sugar hangover and new food

Morning, I mean afternoon – no actually it’s the evening isn’t it? My head has been foggy today and I don’t know if it’s because I stayed up late (11pm shocking!) or I woke up late (7.30am – even more shocking!). I am not a late night gal nor am I a late riser and I am blaming this weird sleeping squarely on the sugar high I got from my delicious dessert last night. Also today I have smashed 2 nectarines and a whole bunch of strawberries so I guess the sugar cravings have kicked back in…. Back to square one and cold turkey on the fruit tomorrow.

Oh well my fault. We met one of my sisters mates for lunch today, she is good fun and the cafe we went to did the whole ‘we can make any meal GF’ for you thing which was great. They faltered a bit when I asked if that was coeliac safe (two different things believe me) but were very good with my ‘special needs’ ha ha. I ended up having poached eggs on their own GF bread, GF bacon and baby spinach which was delicious and kept me full (albeit I slipped some strawb’s in there) until dinner time.

The weather is not amazing today – raining on and off – grey skies – which always affects my mood – makes me irritable and snappy – and I get Monica-styles white girl afro too… s’not pretty or cute.

monica geller playing table tennis

In other news I have nearly finished another book – fuck I LOVE hours and hours of uninterrupted reading – I was such a geek when I was younger and unencumbered, I’d just read and read and read…. and (maybe) unrelated; I have bought my two little lads their ‘Mummies-been-away-and-didn’t-miss-you-at-all-but-I-still-love-you-really’ guilt presents and sent postcards, but there isn’t a lot of exercise going on… Yoga and boot camp will be ON when I get home. Damnit. NO remember – it’s good for my soul and stress and shit…. No really it is!

Kris made us delicious Larb Gai for dinner tonight and we ate it wrapped in lettuce leaves – must try this for other food – it was delicious and satisfying. She said it was super easy to make so I will be looking up versions of it when I get home to try with the lads and the GD. YUM. And also eating other stuff wrapped in lettuce leaves (although technically lettuce leaves are raw greens and I should be avoiding them – but no sore tummy yet from raw veges or chillies so fingers crossed!)

Three more days and I go home to my boys, I guess I do miss little lad cuddles in the morning – I even missed the GD today when I was mooching round the shops and found some records (but don’t tell him that!).