I ate half a pineapple today. I picked fights with the family. I lay down for a nap and didn’t sleep because nobody would leave me the fuck alone. No I don’t want a cuddle goddamnit. The boys were so scratchy and irritable that I won’t be surprised if Master four bleeds before me. The grumpy Dutchman lived up to his name. Our cycles are synced. All four of us and three of them have no uterus.

Probably yoga would have helped? Nah – I would have been dangerous around all those heavy breathers and grunters. No patience for ponsnobby wankery today mister. But our family bike ride was really good and I was able to drag my sorry ass up the hill – with the extra weight of master 4 on the bike – and that felt good.

No Ma’am, it ain’t no fun being a woman on the eve; I have a sore tummy – admittedly that could be the pineapple that I’m not supposed to be eating – I am cranky, I am hard to live with and there is no chocolate in the vicinity.

But, you know, at least I’m not pregnant!