My Valentines present arrived in the post today. The GD goes past it every half an hour or so and exclaims ‘Another parcel in the mail! what are you always buying?!’. I have reminded him a few times now that it is my Valentines day present. And as he is going to be at a stag do all day and that night (and useless the next day) I have no qualms buying my own gift.
It’s a system that works. We have been together for a while. (13 years in March) and we have sorted it out by now. In the beginning for birthdays and valentines and Christmas I would go all out and over a course of weeks beforehand get him a whole lot of stuff that was thoughtful and cool and fun and meant to be this big heaping pile of STUFF to show him how much I loved him. He would go out the day before and find the first thing that sort of fit the bill. I remember one year he got me a book on Art Deco jewellery ‘because you like old stuff and jewellery’. The worst was when he didn’t get paid until after the event, so didn’t bother because he had no money. Needless to say that I would have very hurt feelings. I would sulk and cry and be upset and be all why the fuck can’t you be more thoughtful you arse? Why can’t you just put some thought in before the event and get me something nice that means something? why why why?!?! So he stopped. Just stopped. Too hard he said. You complain about everything I try he said. And I would complain and bitch and carry on to anyone would listen.
And then one day someone pointed out to me that I knew he was shit at this when I met him and fell in love with him. Why did I expect him to suddenly get any better at any point? And eventually it sunk in. It’s true. I was expecting him to change when that isn’t what people do.
So we reached an agreement. I stopped buying him heaps of stuff because he knows I love him and he hates me spending money. And now I give him a list to choose from or I just buy it myself and give it to him to wrap. Because I am that shallow and I am not someone who will ever be happy with nothing from my significant other on my birthday no matter how old I get. I’m not painting a pretty picture I know. But anyway it explains the box on the bed. (and I think I explained that I like ‘stuff’ in my previous post – beautiful, NZ made or designed if I can get it – stuff). I think if I was a bird I would be a magpie.
And I know the GD loves me. He does the dishes every day. He vacuums a lot. He doesn’t run screaming when I go all gooey at the thought of having a third child. He doesn’t even go pale anymore. He quietly and calmly reminds me how tired I am and leads me to watch our ‘prepared earlier’ children trying to kill each-other.
Long story short, on Valentines day I will be at a five year old’s birthday party with my little lads and the GD will be at a stag do with strippers and booze.