That doesn’t seem like too many…… eek.

I  am trying to compose a post with the very cute distraction of an 8 week old kitten trying to attack my feet every few seconds. He is SUCH a cutie and very bold. Last night when the human children joined us in bed at 3am so did the fur children. Molly came in, purred her head off, saw Grey (we changed his name by the way) HISSED at the top of her lungs and bolted. Grey, satisfied his job was done, settled down to sleep on my face. As you do. Couple this with the four year olds knees in my back, his older brother spread-eagled in the middle and the swearing of the grumpy Dutchman as he struggled for space and I’ll say we had an average nights sleep.

I am shattered. Completely and utterly farked. And with this organisation goes out of the window, stuff like having leftovers for lunch for work because you thought about it the night before. Of course I didn’t so I had heat-and-eat brown rice, some frozen peas and smoked salmon for lunch – all mixed up and heated together in the microwave. Not great but still ticked my boxes.

Because I am so tired, and it is that ‘special time’ my cravings are through the roof. I seriously thought about caving and getting a small chocolate bar or similar – but I don’t want my ‘relaxation’ over the weekend away to turn in to something longer and more out of control. I am conscious that I don’t want to get obsessive and start to think of food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ so I’m sticking to ‘good for my gut’ for now. So instead of eating chocolate or lollies I ate half a kilo of plums and a significant portion of pineapple. I have been suffering since with a very sore tummy, I look 6 months pregnant and I am grumpy with me for being so dumb. What a dick.

What I actually need to do is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Food is not the answer I am looking for.

I also signed up for a mindfulness course today. It starts next week and goes for 6 weeks, one night a week, and I am hoping it won’t be all crystal wearing, chakra rubbing hippies. (Disclaimer; I wear crystals and tie-dye myself occasionally and I know some lovely hippies but I don’t want to pay one to tell me my stress is all tied in to my aura). I am hoping it will be more like a ‘brain-gym’, giving me exercises to practice to stay focused on the present. To be mindful of the space and place I am in, and to achieve some balance between work thinking and everything else thinking. I feel hopeful and have some friends who might be coming to do it with me so at least I’ll have someone to pass notes to if we do start chanting…..