My house is immaculate. The GD had the day off work and he cleaned, Hoorah! I got home and it was evident immediately. No crumbs, no toast, no Lego, no stinky boy shoes or minecraft junk, no man-puddles-of-discarded-clothes or dishes to be seen. It also smelled a bit whiffy. Stale cigarette smoke and farts. Dog smell and kitten toilet wafted through. And the smell of those cleaners that you spray over the site of the ‘little accidents’. A rainy day and a man alone with his fur-kids.

Now of course, the house is still clean but I can’t find the remote. I am stuck watching home improvement shows on Choice. The British couple I am watching right now have taken the build on themselves (of course), are living on site and spending hundreds of thousands of pounds to create a dark little box in a rotten little suburb of high brow london. The neighbours hate them. I hate them. But it was better than music videos from 12 year old pop tarts singing about love lost. Because they know so much about it of course! I actually had to get up off the couch to change the channel manually.

Another unorganised day. Eating things I shouldn’t again – salad today. I got stuck with no dinner leftovers and had to eat what was to hand and I have had a swollen and sore tummy all day from the raw greens. Add to that the ‘meth addict’ complexion I am rocking from the re-introduced-but-now-banished-again-forever-Dairy and I paint a pretty picture. Hey Sexy. Luckily I am too tired to care. I spent most of the day saying ‘what?’ and ‘huh?’ and ‘can you email me that please because I will forget’. I am counting down the days until the school holidays. This is not a good look still a week and a half out!

In book news – My little book of ‘organise your life and watch the magic happen or some shit like that’ arrived in the mail today – very exciting. Might make it compulsory bedtime reading for the lads.