We have come to a working agreement with the lads. If they misbehave they get 5 minutes in their room and I threaten them with the immediate and permanent death of their wee burgeoning social lives. Just the thought of not being able to play with Eli and Daiwick has them scuttling off to their room to sit out the 5 minutes punishment for swearing/hitting their brother/breaking something of mine/breaking something of theirs/refusing to clean up – you name it! Their bedroom has seen a lot of time out action in the last couple of days. But we are cracking it  I feel positive. No one has died.

The grumpy Dutchman has sort of given up smoking. He does not feel positive. He is really living up to his moniker at the moment. It is choice fun. He has resolved – and told people which was daft – that he will not be buying any more cigarettes. Very clever. Very subtle. Full of loopholes. He can still smoke other peoples cigarettes. Tricky. You see he maintains that it is his right to get lung cancer if he wants it. I think he secretly thinks he is bullet proof. His cancer proof dutch lungs to go with his giant dutch teeth and pretty blue eyes. He maintains he is only giving up because of the cost. I have mentioned how stingy he is. I don’t care – I’ll take it!

I am so pleased that he has stopped – for one and most obvious thing right off – he is in the house more! With me and the kids! Right there! Being really fucking grumpy that he doesn’t have cigarettes! It’s SO fun. But at least he’s not stinky. Grumpy, but not stinky anymore.

I have done a lot of fuck all since we hit the ground. I had that day where I unpacked the bags from our holiday and moved a bit. I took the lads to the movies – yesterday? Maybe? It’s all a blur – and we walked there because my car sucks, but really I’ve done a lot of nothing.I have watched a LOT of Third Rock from the Sun. I have eaten a LOT of stone fruit. They go together remarkably well. I keep waiting for Netflix to cut me off. It keeps asking me if I want to continue and I keep saying yes please! I keep waiting to be bored with not moving and watching TV and it still hasn’t happened. I have been day napping.

I hope I still fit my pants by the end of the week….