I am trying to compose a post with the very cute distraction of an 8 week old kitten trying to attack my feet every few seconds. He is SUCH a cutie and very bold. Last night when the human children joined us in bed at 3am so did the fur children. Molly came in, purred her head off, saw Grey (we changed his name by the way) HISSED at the top of her lungs and bolted. Grey, satisfied his job was done, settled down to sleep on my face. As you do. Couple this with the four year olds knees in my back, his older brother spread-eagled in the middle and the swearing of the grumpy Dutchman as he struggled for space and I’ll say we had an average nights sleep.
I am shattered. Completely and utterly farked. And with this organisation goes out of the window, stuff like having leftovers for lunch for work because you thought about it the night before. Of course I didn’t so I had heat-and-eat brown rice, some frozen peas and smoked salmon for lunch – all mixed up and heated together in the microwave. Not great but still ticked my boxes.
Because I am so tired, and it is that ‘special time’ my cravings are through the roof. I seriously thought about caving and getting a small chocolate bar or similar – but I don’t want my ‘relaxation’ over the weekend away to turn in to something longer and more out of control. I am conscious that I don’t want to get obsessive and start to think of food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ so I’m sticking to ‘good for my gut’ for now. So instead of eating chocolate or lollies I ate half a kilo of plums and a significant portion of pineapple. I have been suffering since with a very sore tummy, I look 6 months pregnant and I am grumpy with me for being so dumb. What a dick.
What I actually need to do is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Food is not the answer I am looking for.
I also signed up for a mindfulness course today. It starts next week and goes for 6 weeks, one night a week, and I am hoping it won’t be all crystal wearing, chakra rubbing hippies. (Disclaimer; I wear crystals and tie-dye myself occasionally and I know some lovely hippies but I don’t want to pay one to tell me my stress is all tied in to my aura). I am hoping it will be more like a ‘brain-gym’, giving me exercises to practice to stay focused on the present. To be mindful of the space and place I am in, and to achieve some balance between work thinking and everything else thinking. I feel hopeful and have some friends who might be coming to do it with me so at least I’ll have someone to pass notes to if we do start chanting…..
I have got the munchies HARD. I broke on the way home and bought 3 nectarines – they didn’t make it through the night. I have been fantasising about cheese. Cheese for fucks sake. I have been eating blue corn chips because we have them – even though crunchy scratchy. Feeling generally bleurgh with the munchies.
BUT tomorrow means the start of our wedding anniversary weekend. The in-laws are taking over childcare duties as of Friday afternoon and we are heading to the Coromandel. I don’t know if our B&B has Wifi, the guy can’t even email me back about GF breakfast options (he is shaping up to be an arse and we haven’t even met him yet) so I am not sure if I will be posting. I think I might take the time off from being witty and urbane with y’all – ha ha – and just live in the moment.
Even if ‘the moment’ consists of us being rained out all weekend and having to lie around all day catching me up on Breaking bad – oh dear how sad!
Have a good weekend – see you on the other side!
(Oh I forgot to say that Master 7 did not on fact eat his delicious sushi roll. Apparently he ‘wasn’t hungry’ and only ate the three biscuits he got! He left the carrot sticks, muesli bar, popcorn – all of it. Why do we bother…)
My GAPS book arrived and my bedside ‘library’ is getting full! I need to get started on this lot quick smart. I am feeling in the need for some focus so I think I will start with the GAPS book, gut healing and psychology stuff, notice I got a GAPS cookbook to go with it? Always be prepared – like a good girl guide.
This week has felt long and there is still one day to go. I was still feeling the effects of being glutened today so my brain is foggy as and my body is still slow and achey. The mid-term blues are kicking in for my girls – the wonders of the fresh start and the new term are wearing off and I spent a lot of time doling out hugs and tissues today. My office mate has a theory that they the whole school ‘syncs up’ and they all get PMS-y at the same time. Cadbury should just bulk deliver at this time. They would make a fucking killing.
It’s been the kind of day where you just want to come home and curl up with a glass of wine and some ‘alone time’. I was gifted a Whittakers %70 dark and a coke zero today. It took every ounce of my willpower to not eat them right there and then and I am pleased to say that they are still in my office fridge – I am hoping I can re-gift them without offense. What has the world come to when I am giving away chocolate? It’s unnatural.
It is getting tougher to not just go for comfort food though. Harder to resist just one small flat white when I am shattered in the morning. I am so tired that I want to use food to prop me up but I know that it is mostly from being glutened and getting used to the term being full swing again. So SLEEP is in order. And finding some time to read and get my ass educated about GAPS.
So what I need is time then. Ha! Tell ‘er she’s dreamin.
Am getting a bit antsy for snacks and sugar. It definitely didn’t help that the fruit I have been having has been kicking off the cravings again. I think I have been looking for a pick me up in the mornings and have been reaching for the smoothies instead of having the cooked breakfasts I should be planning for myself.
So tomorrow – in between getting my hair did, my lashes filled and going to work for a few hours – I am going to get the Pete Evans cook book that features lots of gluten and dairy and sugar-free recipes. Will also be (hopefully) getting heaps of recipes from the ‘I quit Sugar’ program which I am signing up for tonight. I will let you know how that goes, and whether it is worth trying it out for yourself – IMO anyway. There is a lot of hype around the program and I know that quitting sugar is the cool thing right now – for lots of good reasons – but what appealed to me about this program was the shopping lists and meal plans you get each week – and they can tailor them to be Gf and DF too. So it’s just another crutch for me for days like today when I am feeling weak and wanting to ‘just have a taste’ from the jar of nutella in the cupboard…
Outside of cravings and the usual, today was a rest day – I counted our walk and swim this afternoon as my exercise – but I am looking forward (as always) to boot camp tomorrow morning. Hopefully the new girl will come back and she can see that I’m just a really awkward, friendly, non-psycho who likes to meet new fun excercisey boot-camp people.. from a distance… and just grins weirdly…